Lincoln's yarns and stories, Volume 1
by Alexander K. McClure
Read Lincoln's yarns and stories, Volume 1 by Alexander K. McClure online, free: 309 chapters, public domain, on Papyras.
Contents
- Preface
- Lincoln’s Name Arouses an Audience, by Dr. Newman Hall, of London
- Lincoln and McCLURE
- Lincoln Asked to Be Shot
- Time Lost Didn’t Count
- No Vices, No Virtues
- Lincoln’s Dues
- “Done with the Bible.”
- His Knowledge of Human Nature
- A Mischievous Ox
- The Presidential “Chin-Fly.”
- ‘Squire Bagly’s Precedent
- He’d Need His Gun
- Kept Up the Argument
- Equine Ingratitude
- ‘Twas “Moving Day.”
- “Abe’s” Hair Needed Combing
- Would “Take to the Woods.”
- Lincoln Carried Her Trunk
- Boat Had to Stop
- Mcclellan’s “Special Talent.”
- How “Jake” Got Away
- More Light and Less Noise
- One Bullet and a Hatful
- Lincoln’s Story to Peace Commissioners
- “Abe” Got the Worst of It
- It Depended Upon His Condition
- “Got Down to the Raisins.”
- “Honest Abe” Swallows His Enemies
- Saving His Wind
- Right for, Once, Anyhow
- “Pity the Poor Orphan.”
- “Bap.” McNABB’S Booster
- A Low-Down Trick
- End for End
- Let Six Skunks Go
- How He Got Blackstone
- A Job for the New Cabinetmaker
- “I Can Stand It If They Can.”
- Lincoln Mistaken for Once
- Forgot Everything He Knew
- He Loved a Good Story
- Heels Ran Away with Them
- Wanted to Burn Him Down to the Stump
- Had a “Kick” Coming
- The Case of Betsy Ann Dougherty
- Had to Wear a Wooden Sword
- “Abe” Stirring the “Black” Coals
- Getting Rid of an Elephant
- Grotesque, Yet Frightful
- “Abe” Was No Dude
- Characteristic of Lincoln
- “Plough All ‘Round Him.”
- “I’ve Lost My Apple.”
- Lost His Certificate of Character
- Note Presented for Payment
- Dog Was a “Leetle Bit Ahead.”
- “Abe’s” Fight with Negroes
- Noise Like a Turnip
- Warding Off God’s Vengeance
- Jeff Davis and Charles the First
- Loved Soldiers’ Humor
- Bad Time for a Barbecue
- He’d See It Again
- Call Another Witness
- A Contest with Little “Tad.”
- Reminded Him of “a Little Story.”
- “Fetched Several Short Ones.”
- Lincoln Lugs the Old Man
- McCLELLAN Was “Intrenching.”
- Make Something Out of It, Anyway
- Vicious Oxen Have Short Horns
- Lincoln’s Name for “Weeping Water.”
- Peter Cartwright’s Description of Lincoln
- No Deaths in His House
- Painted His Principles
- Dignifying the Statute
- Lincoln Campaign Mottoes
- Giving Away the Case
- Posing with a Broomstick
- “Both Length and Breadth.”
- “Abe” Recites a Song
- “Manage to Keep House.”
- Grant “Tumbled” Right Away
- “Don’t Kill Him with Your Fist.”
- Could Be Arbitrary
- A General Bustification
- Making Quartermasters
- No Postmasters in His Pocket
- He “Skewed” the Line
- “Whereas,” He Stole Nothing
- Not Like the Pope’s Bull
- Could He Tell?
- Darned Uncomfortable Sitting
- “What’s-His-Name” Got There
- A Really Great General
- “Shrunk Up North.”
- Lincoln Adopted the Suggestion
- Something for Everyone
- Too Many Pigs for the Teats
- Greeley Carries Lincoln to the Lunatic Asylum
- The Last Time He Saw Douglas
- Hurt His Legs Less
- A Little Shy or Grammar
- His First Satirical Writing
- Likely to Do It
- “The Enemy Are ‘Ourn’”
- “And—Here I Am!”
- Safe as Long as They Were Good
- “Smelt No Royalty in Our Carriage.”
- Hell a Mile from the White House
- His “Glass Hack”
- Leave Him Kicking
- “Who Commenced This Fuss?”
- “Abe’s” Little Joke
- What Summer Thought
- A Useless Dog
- Origin of the “Influence” Story
- Felt Sorry for Both
- Where Did It Come from?
- “Long Abe” Four Years Longer
- “All Sicker’n Your Man.”
- Easier to Empty the Potomac
- He Wanted a Steady Hand
- Lincoln Saw Stanton About It
- Mrs. Lincoln’s Surprise
- Menace to the Government
- Troops Couldn’t Fly Over It
- Pat Was “Forninst the Government.”
- “Can’t Spare This Man.”
- His Teeth Chattered
- “Aaron Got His Commission.”
- Lincoln and the Ministers
- Hardtack Better Than Generals
- Got the Preacher
- Big Joke on Halleck
- Stories Better Than Doctors
- Short, but Exciting
- Mr. Bull Didn’t Get His Cotton
- Stick to American Principles
- Used “Rude Tact.”
- “Abe” on a Woodpile
- Taking Down a Dandy
- When Old Abe Got Mad
- Wanted to “Borrow” the Army
- Young “Sucker” Visitors
- “And You Don’t Wear Hoopskirts.”
- Lieutenant Tad Lincoln’s Sentinels
- Douglas Held Lincoln’s Hat
- The Dead Man Spoke
- Military Snails Not Speedy
- Outran the Jack-Rabbit
- “Fooling” the People
- “Abe, You Can’t Play That on Me.”
- His “Broad” Stories
- Sorry for the Horses
- Mild Rebuke to a Doctor
- Cold Molasses Was Swifter
- Lincoln Calls Medill a Coward
- They Didn’t Build It
- Stanton’s Abuse of Lincoln
- The Negro and the Crocodile
- Lincoln Was Ready to Fight
- It Was Up-Hill Work
- Lee’s Slim Animal
- “Mrs. North and Her Attorney.”
- Satisfaction to the Soul
- Withdrew the Colt
- “Tad” Got His Dollar
- Tells an Editor About Nasby
- Long and Short of It
- “Webster Couldn’t Have Done More.”
- Lincoln Met Clay
- Reminded “Abe” of a Little Joke
- His Dignity Saved Him
- The Man He Was Looking for
- His Cabinet Chances Poor
- The General Was “Headed in”
- Sugar-Coated
- Could Make “Rabbit-Tracks.”
- Lincoln Protected Currency Issues
- Lincoln’s Apology to Grant
- Lincoln Said “by Jing.”
- It Tickled the Little Woman
- “Shall All Fall Together.”
- Dead Dog No Cure
- “Thorough” Is a Good Word
- The Cabinet Was a-Settin’
- A Bullet Through His Hat
- No Kind to Get to Heaven on
- The Only Real Peacemaker
- The Apple Woman’s Pass
- Split Rails by the Yard
- The Question of Legs
- Too Many Widows Already
- God Needed That Church
- The Man Down South
- Couldn’t Let Go the Hog
- The Cabinet Lincoln Wanted
- Ready for “Butcher-Day.”
- “The Bad Bird and the Mudsill.”
- Gave the Soldier His Fish
- A Peculiar Lawyer
- If They’d Only “Skip.”
- Father of the “Greenback.”
- Major Anderson’s Bad Memory
- No Vanderbilt
- Squashed a Brutal Lie
- “One War at a Time.”
- President Lincoln’s Last Public Address
- No Others Like Them
- Cash Was at Hand
- Welcomed the Little Girls
- “Don’t Swap Horses”
- Most Valuable Political Attribute
- “Abe” Resented the Insult
- One Man Isn’t Missed
- “Stretched the Facts.”
- It Lengthened the War
- His Theory of the Rebellion
- Ran Away When Victorious
- Wanted Stanton Spanked
- Stanton Was Out of Town
- Identified the Colored Man
- Office Seekers Worse Than War
- He “Set ‘Em Up.”
- Wasn’t Stanton’s Say
- “Jeffy” Threw Up the Sponge
- Didn’t Know Grant’s Preference
- Justice vs. Numbers
- No False Pride in Lincoln
- Extra Member of the Cabinet
- How Lincoln Was Abused
- How “Fighting Joe” Was Appointed
- Kept His Courage Up
- A Fortune-Teller’s Prediction
- Too Much Powder
- Sleep Standing Up
- Should Have Fought Another Battle
- Lincoln Upbraided Lamon
- Marked Out a Few Words
- Lincoln Silences Seward
- Brought the Husband Up
- No War Without Blood-Letting
- Lincoln’s Two Difficulties
- White Elephant on His Hands
- When Lincoln and Grant Clashed
- Won James Gordon Bennett’s Support
- Stood by the “Silent Man.”
- A Very Brainy Nubbin
- Sent to His “Friends.”
- Go Down with Colors Flying
- All Were Tragedies
- “He’s the Best of Us.”
- How Lincoln “Composed.”
- Hamlin Might Do It
- The Gun Shot Better
- Lenient with McCLELLAN
- Didn’t Want a Military Reputation
- “Surrender No Slave.”
- Conscripting Dead Men
- Lincoln’s Rejected Manuscript
- Lincoln as a Story Writer
- Lincoln’s Ideas on Crossing a River When He Got to It
- President Nominated First
- “Them Gilliteens.”
- “Consider the Sympathy of Lincoln.”
- Saved a Life
- Lincoln Played Ball
- His Passes to Richmond Not Honored
- “Public Hangman” for the United States
- Few, but Boisterous
- Keep Pegging Away
- Beware of the Tail
- “Lincoln’s Dream.”
- There Was No Need of a Story
- Lincoln a Man of Simple Habits
- His Last Speech
- Forgot Everything He Knew Before
- Lincoln Believed in Education
- Lincoln on the Dred Scott Decision
- Lincoln Made Many Notable Speeches
- What Ailed the Boys
- Tad’s Confederate Flag
- Called Blessings on the American Women
- Lincoln’s “Order No. 252.”
- Talked to the Negroes of Richmond
- “Abe” Added a Saving Clause
- How “Jack” Was “Done Up.”
- Angels Couldn’t Swear It Right
- “Must Go, and Go to Stay.”
- Lincoln Wasn’t Buying Nominations
- He Envied the Soldier at the Front
- Don’t Trust Too Far
- He’d “Risk the Dictatorship.”
- “Major General, I Reckon.”
- Would See the Tracks
- “Abe” Gave Her a “Sure Tip.”
- The President Had Knowledge of Him
- Only Half a Man
- Grant Congratulated Lincoln
- “Brutus and Caesar.”
- How Stanton Got Into the Cabinet
- “Abe” Like His Father
- “No Moon at All.”
- “Abe” a Superb Mimic
- Why He Was Called “Honest Abe.”
- “Abe’s” Name Remained on the Sign
- Very Homely at First Sight