The Apology of John Rudolph Glauber, Against the Lying Calumnies of Christopher Farnner

’Tis an ancient Proverb, He that toucheth Dung is defiled, and will alwaies savour of a Dunghill. Experience makes it evident.

I ever hated Quarreling, as more agreeable to the Pevishness of Women, than the more Generous Temper of Christian Men; and have, as much as I might, alwaies declin’d it, being rather desirous to suffer injuries, to bear losses, by silence to forgo those things I might lawfully lay claim to, to undergo any thing, so that I might enjoy my beloved Peace (with which GOD has blest me hitherto). Neither have I ever, so long as I have liv’d in the World, (and I am pretty ancient) been taken, by the worst of men, for a contentious Person: But perfidious Farnner, unprovoked, urges me to this vindication of my self, by going about not only to hurt my Person, but also by a Pride no less than his Envy, to explode and defame all my Writings, and by infamous Letters dispersed abroad, to render me odious to all good men. Which wicked Enterprize, though I heard of it by many, I durst not believe, till a printed Epistle of his came to my hands, which having perused, I thought I could not enough admire his detestable Impiety, and the many scandalous names he had for me.

Art thou not ashamed Farnner, to expose my Works to the contempt of others, when thou neither dost, or ever canst understand ’em, and before now hast prais’d ’em, as may be proved from your own hand? I’m sure I never merited that you should cavil at me where-e’er you come, and proclaim my Writings unprofitable. You ought rather all your Life, in consideration of the many benefits you have receiv’d at my hands, to have behaved your self as a Man grateful to me; but instead of that, notwithstanding the Obligation that lies upon you to the contrary, you have despightfully recompensed all my kindness with the basest Ingratitude, which is directly opposite to goodness.

To what end do you deny that you had your greatest knowledge from me, and in the mean time expose it as your own, and upbraid me from whom you had it?

I never before believ’d you unfaithful, but alwaies thought you candid, and have communicated so great things to no man as to your self. I believe you will not deny your coming twice from Lochgovia to me at Kitzinga, and entreating me to communicate some Secret to you, whereby you might get a livelihood. Have you not been forced twice, being repulsed, to return home with this Excuse, That I wanted time to instruct you? And when you came the third time, I suffered my self to be perswaded, and did communicate some Secrets to you gratis, on this consideration, That you should impart those things wherewith I trusted you, to no man without my leave; which you promised by an Obligation, (viz. That you wou’d keep all things secret) under the penalty of Disgrace, and the forfeiture of all your Goods. Why hast thou falsified thy Word, and contrary to thy Promises, so wickedly ridicul’d me among all men, when with thy whole Family thou didst promise to be faithful to me? Not only Obligations, but also thine own Letters are Witnesses: Neither do I question, that if I had lost or wanted them to convince thee, thou wouldst have denied, and that with an Oath, that thou wast ever beholden to me for any thing, as thou hast already begun, and as thou in thy spightful Writings despisest all my Secrets, and proclaimest thine (which yet are mine) with praise. You doubt whether or no the reading this will make me repent that I ever trusted you with so many things, which I had never done, had not you obliged your self to labour diligently with me in my Laboratory, to produce those things for the profit of us both. But what can I do with them? They are perished and gone which yet might sufficiently have sustain’d both you and me, had not you made ’em publick.

I pray, What gain can you hope for from them, now they are every where known? Wherefore when I see those things taken from me, and by you imparted to all men, in spight of me, for your own advantage, I think fit (for I cannot hope for any farther profit from them privately) to make ’em known to the World; and by the Grace of GOD, I may live without them: But if I also should buy all thy goods which thou unjustly possessest and sellest to every man, of thee, and distribute them about the world, thou wilt see thou canst not easily recover them, or others in their room. I indeed will give you nothing for the future, neither can my unfaithful Servant, whom you have made as good as your self, give you any thing, for whatever he hath learn’d of me these two years, he has given you, which you also have laid up among your own wares and exposed to sale. Who will hereafter trust you, you have so wickedly deceiv’d me? Every man will abominate you, and shun your Partnership and Company, neither undeservedly, for the Laws of your own Obligation make this your Fate: So the merit of the Crime shall return upon the Author, and you can be more sure of nothing, than that Divine Vengeance will pursue you. I confess indeed some others, as well as you, have injur’d me, but none by so wicked an act; whom nevertheless GOD (to whom I refer’d my Cause) hath so severely punished, that each of them, by one cause or other, has brought upon himself his deserved Reward of Punishment. But I had yet farther tolerated you to exercise your Trade at your pleasure; neither had I followed you to Lochgovia, to urge your Obligation to you, but had committed Vengeance to GOD; only for that you were not content to sell those things publickly for your filthy lucre, which you had of me, and which you obliged your self to keep secret, and to take that profit to your self which was due to me, but also you have rendered me, and the things you had from me, odious; which has been so much to my disadvantage, that I can no longer bear, but am now resolved to the utmost to refute those impious and lying Calumnies, which you by your Letters have sent into the world concerning me, and to defend my self and my Works, against which you have so wickedly inveighed, that all the world may see how great your perfidiousness has been towards me, and that your Heart acted by Hellish wickedness, has raged against me with horrid Lyes, Taunts and Reproaches, contrary to all manner of Equity: You must needs know, that nothing can be more troublesome to me, than to spend that time in reproving your Lyes, which I could otherways employ to greater profit; wherefore I shall answer your trifling stories as briefly as is possible. Every wise man will easily see how frivolous your Excuse is. Do you think that any honest man will believe you, if you say you don’t owe the greatest of your Knowledge to me? No surely, for no man is ignorant of it: About two years since, you did not know how to bring a Crucible to the Fire, much less to make a trial of Brass; which you did not learn of me, but my unfaithful Servant taught it you, whom you for that cause esteem; yet seeing you know so much, how lawfully may I complain of him, what a Rascal he has been to me, and that you for that very reason have taken him to your self, that you may fish from him whatever he had learned in those two years he served me; although he did not shun you, because he was unwilling to communicate those things he had learn’d of me to any man else.

And so you make your self Master of my Secrets, and Covenant with him to undo me and mine: Is this the part of a good man? You do not only expose those things you had of me, but those also which my perfidious Servant has since given you, to be sold at a price, when you have no right to sell another mans goods, to which you have no title. We’ll come to the point and expose all your wickedness, as well your impious speeches, as perfidious actions, to the view of the world: But first of all, I will lay before you the obligations you gave me, as most sure pledges of your truth, that by the review of them, you may judge your self how honest you have been, and how faithfully you have kept your promises; and every man shall thence see, (especially those among whom you have so wickedly ridicul’d me) with what base ingratitude you have recompensed all my Favours.