Queen Victoria to the King of the Belgians

RENEWED GRIEF

Buckingham Palace, 30th March 1861.

My dearly beloved Uncle,—It is a comfort for me to write to you, and I think you may like to hear from your poor motherless child. It is to-day a fortnight already, and it seems but yesterday—all is before me, and at the same time all, all seems quite impossible. The blank—the desolation—the fearful and awful Sehnsucht und Wehmuth come back with redoubled force, and the weeping, which day after day is my welcome friend, is my greatest relief.

We have an immense deal to do—and everything is in the greatest order; but to open her drawers and presses, and to look at all her dear jewels and trinkets in order to identify everything, and relieve her really excellent servants from all responsibility and anxiety, is like a sacrilege, and I feel as if my heart was being torn asunder! So many recollections of my childhood are brought back to me, and these dumb souvenirs which she wore and used, and which so painfully survive what we so dearly and passionately loved, touch chords in one's heart and soul, which are most painful and yet pleasing too. We have found many most interesting and valuable letters—the existence of which I was not aware of—and which, I think, must have come back with poor Papa's letters, viz. letters from my poor father asking for dearest Mamma's hand—and sending a letter from you, encouraging him to ask her. And many others—very precious letters—from dear Grandmamma; Albert has also found at Clarence House, where he went to-day, many of dear Grandpapa's. ...

Frogmore we mean to keep just as dear Mamma left it—and keep it cheerful and pretty as it still is. I go there constantly; I feel so accustomed to go down the hill, and so attracted to it, for I fancy she must be there.

Was poor dear Grandpapa's death-bed such a sad one? You speak of its distressing impressions. ...

She watches over us now, you may be sure! Ever your devoted, sorrowing Child and Niece,

Victoria R.

Albert is so kind, and does all with such tenderness and feeling. Vicky goes on Tuesday, and we on Wednesday, to Osborne, where I think the air and quiet will do me good.

Footnote 10: Duke Francis Frederick of Saxe-Coburg-Saalfeld, and Duchess Augusta Caroline Sophia, the parents of the Duchess of Kent and King Leopold.

Footnote 11: In a recent letter King Leopold had said that he was not quite sixteen years old when his father died (1806), and the elder son, Ernest, being alarmingly ill at Königsberg, he was himself called upon to be the support of his mother. "The recollections of that death-bed," he adds, "are fresh in my memory, as if it had been yesterday. I thank God that your recollections of that terrible moment are so peaceful, and that you may preserve an impression ... without any distressing addition."